Is Fighting Fair

If your child came to you and asked if she could have a fight with her friend down the street would you tell her “sure, just make sure it is a fair fight”?

If Iraq and Iran are fighting, do you think it is good as long as they are “fighting fair”?

Most people would say that they should try to talk over their differences and peacefully negotiate instead.

So why do so many people say it is ok for couples to fight as long as they have a fair fight?

That certainly sends the wrong message even though they might be using the word “fight” in a different way. We should be encouraging couples to negotiate instead of fight.

So, here are some points for negotiating a problem in your relationship.

# Wait until your temper is in control.

     If necessary, exercise, take a walk, work in the garden or do something that will help relieve         the tension.

# Schedule a time and a place for the “peace talks” to take place.

    Make sure you have enough uninterrupted time to work through the issue. Pick a location            that is peaceful and without distractions. Some people like to go to a restaurant or public              place so they will be forced to not yell.

# Discuss the issue at hand.

    Don’t wait until you have five or ten things that are upsetting you before you schedule a talk.

# The purposes of negotiations aren’t to have your mate believe just as you do.

    But for them to understand your beliefs and feelings. People are different and that can be a          good thing.

# Use “I” sentences to explain how you feel.

    For example “I feel hurt and neglected when you spend all Sunday with your golf buddies”            instead of saying “you are a bad husband for always playing golf and ignoring me.”

# Unlike fighting, in negotiations, no side has to come out “the winner.”

     Both of you will win with deeper understanding and compassion for each other.

# Sometimes it is wise to compromise but other times it can cause resentment.

    Don’t ask your sweetheart to give up golf just because he isn’t spending enough time with            you.  Cut back, yes. Give up, no.

# If you find it helpful, write out your peace treaty and sign it.

50 Secrets Of Blissful relationships

Michael Webb is the world’s best known romance expert. He has written over a dozen books on relationships and has appeared on over 500 TV and radio shows. Learn the type of person who is 81% more likely to end up divorced!… Do you have this dangerous trait? He is founder of the extremely popular www.TheRomantic.com — and husband to Athena for over 20 years.