Love Hurts

You know when you have reached the peak of being loving and generous because it feels good.

Right?

Wrong!

My newsletter subscribers who have been around for a while might remember the family who was living in our neighborhood a when the house they were renting caught on fire.

We even did a little fundraiser on my website for Dianne and her four sons since they didn’t have insurance.

And that felt good.

One week I even canceled the bible study fellowship that meets at our house so we could go over as a group and help them clean out their belongings. And that felt good.

About a year after the fire an elderly lady who lived in the neighborhood died.

Because I regularly looked in on her and took her on some errands (and that felt good), her
family thought kindly of us and offered to sell us her 2500 square foot house at a very reasonable price.

Athena and I own a few rental properties so this was something that I was going to add to our portfolio.

We have done quite well with our real estate investments and this property had the potential for making us quite a bit of money.

The one drawback was that Helen, the lady who lived in the house for 30 years had not done a single remodeling project since she purchased the home in the early 70s.

Much of the home was wallpapered and needed stripping, the orange shag carpet had to be replaced as well as the very dated and old light and plumbing fixtures. Every square inch of the home would need to be painted.

Although it would take a couple of months to update the home we had done that sort of work before and knew what it would take.

Shortly after we made the purchase I saw Dianne and her sons. They moved across town after the fire but I still kept in contact with them and occasionally would take the boys on a weekend retreat or do something with them after school.

She mentioned that her family really loved the neighborhood where we lived and would love to buy a place if we ever knew of one that came on the market.

 

They had lived in 4 different rentals in a years time due to divorce and the fire and she desperately wanted some stability for herself and sons.

She had no idea that I had just purchased this house 6 doors down.

She told me what she thought she could pay for a house and I knew what I had to do. I painfully decided to finish remodeling the house and sell it to her at a loss.

Not only was I sacrificing a huge potential profit, I was giving away 10 weeks of my time that it took to do the remodeling (although I didn’t have to do it full time as I hired a helper who was unemployed and in need of some work).

And honestly, that didn’t feel good.

Deep, passionate, sacrificial love hurts. Although it isultimately the most rewarding.

A lot of people donate money to charity. But very few give so much that it is truly a sacrifice.

Few people will put themselves in a dangerous situation for someone they love.

Even fewer will deliberately give their life to someone they barely know.

Some people will lend a helping hand to others now and again. Only a tiny minority will give up most of the comforts they have to move to an impoverished nation for a lifetime of service.

How deep is your love?

Think about this seriously.

What are you willing to sacrifice?

How much pain are you willing to endure?

Are you willing to be unhappy for a period of time for the benefit of someone else?

I do need to clarify what sacrificial love is NOT so that no one is mistaken:

– Belonging to a person, group or organization that is abusive
– Maternal love which is usually more instinctive than something of choice
– Being forced or coerced into doing something that might be painful
– The hurt feelings you have when you are in a broken/unhealthy  relationship

In blissful relationships sacrificial love is rarely needed but it is almost always willing to be expressed.

It might be a good idea to ask yourself (and your partner) some hard questions about what you would do if different circumstances where certain levels of sacrifice might be required

 

After going through the questions you might realize that your love (or that of your partner) isn’t as deep as you thought it was.

The good news is that if you work on it, it can grow deeper over time.

It has taken decades for the love I have to grow deep roots and I still need to learn to love more passionately and openly both to strangers and friends.

For years I have realized that giving to others brings a tremendous amount of joy and blessing.

Only recently have I really understood that there is a love that is even more special and deeper.

And contrary to what most people believe, the highest level of giving and loving doesn’t feel good. It hurts – at least for a little while.

And by the way, Dianne and her sons don’t know of the sacrifice we made.

I’d appreciate it if you just keep it between you and me.

 

Michael Webb is the world’s best known romance expert. He has written over a dozen books on relationships and has appeared on over 500 TV and radio shows. He is founder of the extremely popular www.TheRomantic.com — and husband to Athena for over 20 years.