Should You Stay or Should You Go

Let’s be honest. Not all relationships can be blissful.

In fact, some will certainly remain miserable.

Yet, many stay in loveless relationships (dating or marriage) for a variety or reasons. Here are a few I can think of.

Good reasons:

– Sense of Commitment

– Wanting to change things for the better (and honestly believing the other person can and will make those changes too)

– Separation would be devastating emotionally and/or financially for your children

Bad reasons:

– Fear of being lonely

– Fear of physical retaliation

– Belief that you can’t live without someone (only babies and children “need” someone)

– Don’t want to be proved wrong

– Don’t want to cut back on your standard of living

– Feel that others will judge you

– Believe it will make you a failure

When you are dating someone, you can terminate the relationship for whatever reason you desire and honestly more people should be getting out of pathetic dating relationships (you should read the stories people send me), but that is another chapter all together.

When you are dating you have not made any commitment, entered into any covenant or legal agreement. If you have serious doubts then by all means move on.

However, after you are married, you have entered a covenant, a promise that you would continue to love and honor each other.

It is not something to take lightly. It’s not just a contract, but a covenant — a big difference.

If some get out of marriages simply because “they aren’t having fun any more” or because “we grew apart”, then why did they get married in the first place?

Didn’t their vows many anything?

Many, many marriages are eternally blissful, but that doesn’t mean yours will be.

You should know that and accept that at the altar.

Now I’ll probably get some flack over this, but I do believe there are valid excuses for leaving a marriage.

In fact, I think there are two.

ABUSE and FRAUD.

ABUSE:

If your spouse is abusing you physically or emotionally then you might have a good reason to consider leaving the marriage.

Do you know how many spouses are killed by their mates each year?

It is in the 1000s.

That’s the US alone.

You should have zero tolerance for physical violence.

The first punch should land your spouse in jail or counseling.

Someone who is constantly demeaning, controlling, belittling or bossy can be abusive without throwing punches.

I’ve seen relationships where I am physically ill after watching how terrible one spouse treats the other. Psychological abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse.

Have enough respect for the beautiful body and mind that God gave you that you don’t let someone tear you down.

FRAUD:

If someone lied about his or her past and it came to light after the marriage, then again I think you “might” have a good reason to break your vows.

 

The lie or the information that should have been divulged would have to be pretty serious that it would have made you call off the wedding had you known about it.

Fraud (hiding information from your spouse that can be damaging) can take place after the vows take place too.

People can change and unfortunately someone can change into a person who will ruin your life if you allow it.

In serious cases of fraudulent behavior, I believe there are good reasons to leave the relationship.

Main Types of Fraud Sexual

– Demented view of it
– Severe phobias
– Unhealthy fetishes

Financial

– Refuses to live within their means
– Lazy, won’t or can’t keep a job
– Steals your money
– Continually ruins your joint credit and puts you in financial jeopardy

Addictions

– Drugs
– Alcohol
– Gambling
– Sexual
– Internet or TV

Just because one of the above might apply to your relationship, you don’t run to the nearest divorce attorney.

But, if after much discussion and hopefully counseling by qualified counselors you don’t see any real change, then you might consider leaving the relationship.

Your friends, your pastor, your parents and others can give you counsel and advice on whether you should stay or go.

But ultimately that is a decision you alone have to make. Make it based on the facts of the situation not on any emotional attachments or stigmas.

If you or someone you know is at the crossroads of staying or going, you need to ask yourself a lot of additional questions that I didn’t have time or space to cover in this month’s issue.